my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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