apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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