I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
