This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
