I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
