There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
