a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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