i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
