Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
