he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
