Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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