You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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