Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
