Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
