I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dick very happy bro
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
