I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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