I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
