Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
