every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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