Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
