My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
