what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
