Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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