I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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