I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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