apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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