Redeem this text for a blowjob
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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