i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
