I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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