I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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