I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
