Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
