omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
