Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
