you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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