morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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