Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
