hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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