her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
