he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
