i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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