i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
