What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
