There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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