youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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