I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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