I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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