btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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