I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Man, jail baloney is awful.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
