I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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