Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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