Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY