just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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