Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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