Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
