Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
