he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
