I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize