He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
