I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
