My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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