We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
