$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
