Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
