This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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