I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
