Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
