I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
