Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
