I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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