i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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