Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
